Lets just say, caronne and I are still talking. Went to Oregon to visit alex and was basically wasted drunk half of the time. The other half was spent sneaking around to spend time with caronne. 

I have never lied sneaked and had the most amazing rush in my life. Its like you know you shouldn't, but you do it anyways. I know she likes me and of course I like her. Deep down I know we will never stop talking and the feelings for each other will always be mutual. maybe one day we can try it out, but right now im content with what we have.

I think she has a lot of growing up to do and if she breaks up with tell for good I want her to experience life single. I don't plan on being in relationship with someone who isn't fully healed. except the fact that she doesn't really love tell anymore, shes confused. but i just know the next gf i have I will give her everything and I don't want to give someone my everything without them giving me their everything.  because if me an caronne was in a relationship and she was doing what we are doing right now. this shit would not fly. I know id tell her I want her to be honest no hiding behind my back. Life is short you know. I would love to take a chance with her.

As she says maybe one day. I have hope =) 

And as of now. its going good she wants me to visit again. we will see. I like to take life day by day. =) 

starting to feel that, I wish I was with someone feelings.

Miss loving someone.

my mind has always been in the right direction. I noticed that little by little im doing everything I wanted to do. I really have accomplished so much in just 4 years of being on my own path.... and I have no doubt I will do all the things I say I will do. Because thats who I am. I make promises to myself, because what kind of person would I be to make a promise to myself and not keep it. After all aren't i the most important person? i say yes. 

hey tiff, its ok to feel stressed, but stop and enjoy the ride sometimes. this life is filled with struggles and guess what it always will. but remember its about how many times you can get hit and not get knocked down. You are developing character. trust me, you, the person you see in the mirror. smile everyday because thats a sec you won't get back. complaining doesn't get you anywhere its just wasting that much time you can use towards your goals. life passes you by quickly try to slow it down sometimes, because just as fast as you want to accomplish things that just as fast you are to losing the moments you have on this earth. Keep making people smile. do it. whoever it is. Stop making enemies and keep making new friends. be in uncomfortable situations its ok. RELAX sometimes ok. you are strong and you are doing great things. 

As for love. I know. I feel you of course because I am you. but your heart deserves the best. no, you are not shallow you just want to love some whole heartly. half of it is attraction and you know what its ok. you'll find someone who will love you the way you should be love an you will teach someone how to let themselves be loved because you are going to love someone the way they deserve to be loved. TRUST me you will be an amazing gf. Of course you will have a wall, but not everyone wants to hurt you. and not everyone you fall in love with will leave you. I promise you, you will find the one. 

follow your dreams and your dreams will lead you to the one you will love. love falls into place when you least expect it, as for your dreams, it can only be accomplished by yourself. ONE person is not forever its who you want to make it work with forever; therefore, never sacrificing your goals in life because love never makes you chose. 

I like caronne. crazy... I shouldn't, but i do. she texes me everyday even if i cant tex her she tries. idk how to take it.

we are getting deeper then we should. im starting to fall and idk what to do. #2 isn't #1.

do i wait and focus on myself with my heart falling for her or end it and just wonder. either way i can't have her and things will fall into place.